In Memory
by Solita
Summary: Steve Austin visits an old friend.


  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
... hey there.  
  
It's been a long time, hasn't it?  
  
You don't have to say anything, I know it's been a long time. I don't even know where to begin. A lot of shit has happened, y'know, since we last spoke.   
  
I wonder how it's been going for you. Maybe I should start off on how I'm doing?   
  
Well... it's been pretty... pretty okay for me. Pretty okay.  
  
Yeah, I know I'm lying.  
  
My life's pretty much fucked.  
  
No, the alimony's over. All paid off. Jeanie's doing fine, I think. I met her and the kids a few months back while I was in Britain. God, they changed so much...  
  
I haven't seen your kids. I actually spoke with your wife a few months ago. Melanie's doing well, and she misses you. She misses you a lot. She wants you back.  
  
Y'kids are fantastic. That's what Melanie told me. Skylar's great, and she's reminding me of you. Watches wrestling daily, and is fucking athletic as hell. She looks like Melanie a lot, and acts like her too, but she's got your charm and a little of your personality.  
  
And y'know your eldest son is thinking of being a wrestler. Just like you. He'll, he could be a carbon copy of you! Has your eyes, your face, and even your damn maniac grin and insane ideas. Crazy, ain't it?  
  
He'd probably be just as crazy as you. Maybe worse.  
  
I'll help him out, y'know. You know me, and you can sure as hell count on me. I'll help him out and give him advice and look out for him. I'll help him. It's the least I could do.  
  
Heh.  
  
Sounds like a very fucked up form of poetic justice huh? You helped me all those times back then in WCW... when I was so fucking green I practically beamed 'kick me, I'm a walking idiot!'  
  
Yeah, that sucked. Crappy joke.  
  
I never was good at telling jokes all by myself. I probably made a few good ones here and there. But you? You always made the wittiest punchlines.  
  
You were the brains. Always the creative mind. Always finding something witty and intelligent and straightforward to say. And me? Remember how I always used to pull an Arn Anderson and just nod my head to whatever you said? Goddamit! I was such a dork!  
  
I hope you like where you are now. Probably a nice place to go to. Probably relaxing and laughing and have a good ol' time.  
  
I wish I could go.  
  
Don't you be thinking that I'm gonna do something stupid, cause I'm not. I'm not gonna do anything that I would regret later on. Stone Cold Steve Austin doesn't regret a goddamn thing in his life.  
  
I'm a fucking hypocrite, aren't I?  
  
I do regret. There's... there's...  
  
I wish Scott was here. Or Mick. Hell, even Chris. They were always better at these poetic fucked up words. I can't describe this... this hollow, empty feeling inside that's eating away everything.  
  
Did you hear about Chris?  
  
He did it. The son of a bitch did it! He won against Hunter and got the damn title finally. And would ya even guess he got it at Wrestlemania, the biggest stage of 'em all?  
  
Yeah, I know, you already know that. Hell, you and Chris were tight as hell back then. 'part of the new-founded Horsemen back in WCW. Best of friends. He still thinks about you.  
  
So does Scott. The guy's at NWA now. The WWF... WWE, actually, fucked up and used him wrong. He's over at NWA and he's doing great. He's one of the best indie wrestlers out there. I'm proud of 'im. I know you are too.  
  
Mick's doin' all right. He's still wrestling, the crazy son of a bitch.   
  
Nothing much else to say. They all miss you. Not as much as I do... not to sound selfish, but they're too busy. They've got their families, lives in wrestling, a future...  
  
I've got nothing but you now.   
  
Cause I've retired from wrestling myself, because of my neck. All because of this fucking neck. So now all I've got his my memories and my contemplations and... and just you.  
  
You're still haunting me.  
  
But you probably knew that already.  
  
Okay, so you knew, shut up. I know you, zip it, I don't want to hear it. Yes, I knew you were right, and I don't want to hear another word from you.  
  
Some people think that I'm losing my mind... doing this shit to myself, coming here, talking to you... that I'm becoming like you. I don't want to believe them. I just ignore them.  
  
Sometimes I think that I'm losing it too. But I don't believe it.  
  
Maybe I'm thinking about the past too much, wallowing in it even. Maybe I really have to move on, and just forget what happened. I have to forget and trudge forward.  
  
Why should I? There's nothing else for me to do. I'm old... and even I'll admit that. I'm done. I'm used. Time for someone to replace me and keep the engine running.  
  
I'm getting old. I don't deserve to stay in the limelight anymore. It's Chris' turn to shine finally. All I can do now is fade away. Just fade away, and stay a figment in the minds of the people. Nothing but a legend.  
  
Like the saying goes, "Legends never die. They fade away."  
  
Ain't nothing but a legend now.  
  
Am I really that important? Was I that influential? Did I really make that big of an impact? Will I be remembered?   
  
Or will I just be another name, apart of the dust in the wind? An insignificant name that contributed to his time? Nothing but a guy that did something and won't be remembered for it...  
  
I'm so scared, Brian.  
  
I wish you were here with me.  
  
I just want you here standing next to me, giving me a reassuring hug, or a slap to the face, or to the back, anything-- something to jolt me back to my senses and wake me the fuck up. Anything at all. I just want you here, with me.  
  
That's all I want.   
  
I want you back.  
  
But that's another lie, isn't it?  
  
Because I've always had you, inside this gold chain... right here. Always watching over me, protecting him, guiding me...  
  
Did you know I could have died when Owen paralyzed me? I coulda died during one of my surgeries. I could be with you right now, up there in Heaven. I wouldn't be here right now.  
  
Someone does have a plan for me. And I just know for a fact that you're a deciding factor. You won't let me die until I'm ready to die.  
  
And you already know that I'm not gonna die yet. Not ready.  
  
But I'm always gonna wish that I coulda helped you, coulda seen all the problems you were facing, coulda done something, anything to pull you out of that damn abyss...  
  
I'm always gonna regret that. Always.  
  
I miss you, Brian. I'm so afraid. I wish you were here besides me, giving me advice, calling me up and telling me stories and giving me suggestions and reassurance and... and just everything.  
  
I want my best friend back.  
  
I want you back.  
  
I want...   
  
I want what I had.   
  
I want to have my life back. I want to wrestle again. I want to talk with you again. I want to be on the road with you and Raven again. I want to have a steady income and pretty good status with popularity. I want to see my kids again and keep my family together. I want...  
  
I want it all back. And I know that I can't.  
  
... I better get going. My plane leaves soon for the next RAW show.  
  
I... I just thought you'd like to know what's going on... even though I know that you know what's happening. Maybe you even know what's going to occur in the future.  
  
I don't know.  
  
I hate not knowing anything. Not being sure enough. I hate that feeling.  
  
But... but with you watching over me?  
  
No matter how stupid it sounds, and how cliched it is, with you watching over me, I'm gonna feel safe.  
  
I guess even a rattlesnake has its moments of fear.  
  
I'll see you later, Brian.  
  
... and y'know what's so fucking... peaceful? Serene? Hell, I'm not good at words. I don't know how to describe this. It's too... too surreal, too extraordinary, just too fucking much for my mind to comprehend.  
  
I walk away from your grave, and as the breeze whispers through and touches my numb, frozen face, I can hear you.  
  
I can hear the sound of raspy laughter echoing in the wind.  
  
And that's all the reassurance, strength, power, love, happiness... that's all I need. Just that simple sound.   
  
I'm not gonna delude myself into thinking that it's all in my head. It's too real not to believe it. And God, do I believe it. It's just... real. Too real.  
  
Thank you, Brian.  
  
I'll see you again someday.  
  
And I'll make sure to bring the flowers next time.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
